Introduction
This is the word of the Lord,
Colossians 3:12-17 ESV
12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
In this sermon, I’m picking up from where I left off last week. My intention remains the same – to conclude the ‘Intentional Church’ series this month by preaching a set of very practical sermons on ‘A Day in the Life of the Church’. The idea here is simple – take all of the instructions and principles laid out in the past sermons in this series, and show how they are manifest in the daily lives of faithful church members. I promised you two things last week – to make you more uncomfortable and to get more practical. So, that is what I intend to do.
True Spirituality
What is true spirituality? How does one look at someone and determine how Christian a Christian they are? How Christian a Christian are you? What are the marks of true spirituality?
I have met many Christians who tell me that they haven’t spiritually grown because of their circumstances. Some of you have told me that, and talked about how you hope that your time here in Redemption Hill would be a time of spiritual maturing. And I pray it will. But let me ask the question – what does that look like? How do you determine whether you’re spiritually growing or not?
All of us here have a certain perception of what it means to be spiritual. You’ve got a picture—whether you realize it or not—of what a mature Christian looks like. Maybe it’s that one friend who prays in the King James version. Or the guy who casually scribbles Bible verses in Greek and Hebrew when he’s bored. Or the guy who’s read enough of Calvin and Spurgeon to know if they’d prefer we play cricket or football. Or maybe it’s that person who’s never missed a church service since the protestant reformation. We all have our eye on what we prize as true spirituality.
But here’s the problem – your perception of spirituality, or mine, doesn’t matter. What matters is what Jesus considers spiritual. What does He call maturity? What does He praise as faithfulness?
- For some of us, true spirituality is marked by how much of the Bible we read every day. “But Pastor Mike, that’s a good thing.” Yes, it is. Reading the Bible is necessary. But I hate to break it to you – plenty of people read the Bible every day on their way to hell. The Pharisees read it every day. Many nominal Christians read it every day. What then? Well, I think we can safely say that Bible reading can be a fruit or consequence of true spirituality, but is not the substance of it.
Then, what is?
Hebrews 4:12 ESV
12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
True spirituality then, is not how much of the Bible you’ve read – but how much of the Bible has read you. If in your Bible reading, the Scripture isn’t convicting you, correcting you, and shaping you—then it’s not devotion. It’s just routine.
Jesus told of the Pharisees in John 5:39
John 5:39 ESV
39 You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me.
In all their searching of the Scriptures, they missed the witness of the Scriptures. Therefore, the reading of the Bible is not a measure of your spirituality, but how much of that reading has changed you to look more like Jesus. So, Jesus is not impressed by your Bible reading. He is pleased by your obedience.
- Is true spirituality measured by how you never miss a Sunday Service? Commitment is necessary, and consistency is commendable. But showing up is not the same as growing up. Judas attended every ministry meeting too—and still managed to betray Jesus.
Mark 7:6 ESV
6 And he said to them, “Well did Isaiah prophesy of you hypocrites, as it is written, ‘This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me;
Coming to church may be a fruit or consequence of true spirituality, but is not the substance of it. True spirituality isn’t about being in the building—it’s about being built up in Christ.
- Let’s get a little controversial then. Is true spirituality measured by how much you pray? Prayer is good—unless you think God is more impressed by your volume than your heart. People use activity bands or smart watches to measure their health by the number of steps they take in a day. For many, if there was ever a spiritual smart watch, then they would measure their spiritual health by the number of minutes they pray in a day. True spirituality isn’t measured by how long you pray, but whether God is actually listening to your prayers.
Isaiah 59:2 NASB95
But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, And your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear.
Isaiah 1:15 NASB95
“So when you spread out your hands in prayer, I will hide My eyes from you; Yes, even though you multiply prayers, I will not listen. Your hands are covered with blood.
This is why Jesus taught us, in Matthew 6:7
Matthew 6:7 NASB95
“And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words.
He gives the example of the Pharisee and Tax Collector in Luke 18:13
Luke 18:13 NASB95
“But the tax collector, standing some distance away, was even unwilling to lift up his eyes to heaven, but was beating his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, the sinner!’
This is a good example of how someone that externally appears closer to God is far from him, and the one who externally appears far from God is near to him in his desperation. The lesson? God is not impressed by spiritual verbosity. He’s drawn to spiritual brokenness.
Psalm 34:18 NASB95
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Praying may be the fruit and consequence of true spirituality but is not the substance of it. True spirituality is not in how long you pray, but in how deeply you trust the One you’re praying to, how deep your relationship actually goes. There are many who are full of worldliness and without the true knowledge of who this God is, and yet pray to him fervently.
Let me tie this back to something I said last week – most of us tend to measure spirituality by external signs – things we can see, count, or compare. It’s easier that way. We like the metrics we can track – church attendance, Bible reading plans, theological accuracy, prayer streaks. These are clean, manageable, and controllable. But Jesus isn’t looking for that kind of surface-level performance. He’s not handing out gold stars for your religious productivity. True spirituality runs deeper—down into the marrow of your soul—and that’s what makes it so much harder.
Matthew 5:21-22 NASB95
“You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be ‘guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be ‘guilty enough to go into the fiery hell.
In other words, you may not have blood on your hands, but if you’ve harbored bitterness in your heart, don’t flatter yourself. That’s not righteousness. That’s just sin with better community ratings.
Matthew 5:27-28 NASB95
“You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
We may not have crossed the line in public, but Jesus sees the heart—and our browser history. And the point remains – external obedience is not the bar. Internal holiness is.
In other words, the true measure of your spirituality is not in how much you pray, read your Bible or go to church. It is easy to do these activities devoid of the substance that makes up true spirituality. Rather, true spirituality is measured in how pleased God is with answering your prayer, conforming your life to the Bible you read and shaping you every day in the life of the church.
True spirituality is when you wives wake up earlier than your family to prepare the meals and tend to their needs. It is in the joy of turning on the washing machine, standing next to the heat of the stove as you boil the milk, lay the table, cut the vegetables, sweep the living room, wash the dishes and wipe down the counter.
True spirituality is when you husbands rise in the morning to die. Dying to your pride when no one thanks you. Dying to your fatigue when your family needs more. Dying to your flesh when your eyes want to wander. Dying to your selfishness when you walk through the door and choose service over slouching.
When Ephesians 5 describes the picture of a godly marriage, the husband is instructed,
Ephesians 5:25 NASB95
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.
However this manifests in the day to day life of a marriage, godly husbanding will feel like dying for the sake of love. Husbands, our ministry is one of dying – yet, what do we complain about most in our marriage? How much we have to sacrifice, how much we have to die. And to wives, it says,
Ephesians 5:24 NASB95
But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
However this manifests in the day to day life of a marriage, godly wives will feel like they’ve given up their bachelorette freedoms to live under the rule of another. Wives, your ministry is one of sacrificing what you want to see happen, in order to help your husbands achieve what he wants to see happen. Yet, what do wives complain about most?
We want to focus on those external activities that make us appear spiritual without glorifying God in the heart of our relationships and responsibilities. Abandon your spiritual monitors that track the external at the cost of the internal substance. Instead put on true spirituality.
Put on True Spirituality
Colossians 3:12–13 NASB95
12So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; ¹just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
There is a reason I started with strife, bitterness, and frustration last week. Because that is the sum and substance of what people feel when building any relationship, especially in a church community. And so often, people are surprised by these feelings. We imagine that because we’re in a church, relationships will be easier. That everyone will speak kindly, respond patiently, and overlook faults generously. And then, when real people act like real sinners, we’re blindsided—offended, disillusioned, even tempted to withdraw.
That mix of tension, misunderstanding, wounded pride, and unmet expectations—that’s what most people actually feel when they start building real relationships in the body of Christ. Whether it’s in a small group, a marriage, a ministry team, or just plain old Sunday morning fellowship—eventually someone says something foolish, someone fails to follow through, someone else takes offense, and all those warm feelings of “community” begin to unravel. And they are also ill equipped to handle it when they show up.
We know how to post Bible verses about love, but we don’t know how to love people who irritate us. We know how to critique others’ faults, but not how to confess our own. We have theology in our heads, but no cross in our habits. So when that bitterness creeps in, when that frustration lingers, when that relational friction won’t go away—we don’t know what to do with it. And far too often, rather than leaning in with grace, humility, and truth, we walk away. We ghost people. We switch churches. We harbor resentment and call it “discernment.”
But beloved, conflict in the church is the God ordained growth opportunity. God uses the grind of community to sand down your pride, expose your impatience, and teach you what grace really looks like. He is not simply giving you relationships to enjoy—He is giving you relationships to sanctify you. This is why Scripture asks you to “put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience”.
Now, as we consider the practical aspects of doing this in the life of the church, there is a principle you must understand.
1 Timothy 3:5 NASB95
(but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?),
Although explicitly addressed to an elder, this verse is a principle for every Christian who desires to serve, to lead, or to influence others in the body of Christ. In other words, we really can’t talk about church life without understanding that personal and family life have a direct impact on church life.
You have no business trying to order the church if your own household is in disarray. You have no authority to shepherd God’s people if you won’t shepherd your own emotions. You cannot bring peace to the pews while letting bitterness fester in your bedroom. In other words, faithfulness in the church begins with faithfulness in the home.
How can you correct another brother’s sin if you won’t crucify your own temper? How can you advise a sister in Christ when you haven’t spoken kindly to your own spouse in days? How can you teach others to forgive when your children watch you hold grudges behind closed doors? If your living room is filled with tension, your kitchen filled with passive aggression, and your marriage runs on silent treatments and cold wars—what exactly are you hoping to build in the church? Because what you bring into the sanctuary on Sunday is what you cultivate Monday through Saturday.
Your home is not a separate compartment of your spiritual life. It is the training ground. It’s where your theology is tested, where your sanctification is proven, and where your gospel witness either flourishes—or fails. And if you won’t deal with the termites of anger, bitterness, and strife in your own heart, they will eventually eat through your family—and then through the church.
Before you speak peace to the congregation, speak it to your wife. Before you call for order in the church, bring it to your children. Before you rebuke the sins of others, repent of the ones hiding under your own roof. The church doesn’t need more people with opinions. It needs men and women with integrity. Therefore, when I try to make these sermons practical, I’m forced to focus on marriages, parenting, homes and individuals, more than on church life directly.
Why This Shouldn’t Be Necessary
Now, let me pause here and say something that might sound strange coming from the pulpit. Sermons like this shouldn’t be necessary for many of you. This kind of reminder that spirituality includes washing dishes, holding your tongue, waking up early, and forgiving your spouse—it shouldn’t need to be said. Why? Because many of you should already know what godliness looks like.
It should be obvious that a Christian who’s been united to Christ, filled with the Spirit, and instructed by the Word should live like Christ, bear the fruit of the Spirit, and walk in obedience to the Word. But that’s not where we are, is it? Instead, we’ve spiritualized Christianity into something mystical and abstract. We’ve turned it into a feeling, a vibe, a moment during worship. Something you access with your eyes closed and hands raised, rather than with your hands in the sink and your feet on the ground.
We’ve over-theologized and under-obeyed. We know how to defend Calvinism but not how to die to ourselves. We can forgive dead Puritans and reformers for their folly, but can’t forgive our living husbands. We post about five solas on Instagram while refusing to put down our phones and play with our children. We’ve made Christianity a cloud, something lofty and mystical, when God made it a cross, something bloody and real. We act like spiritual maturity is some secret knowledge you unlock through long prayers and long books, but the Bible tells us it’s revealed in humble obedience and consistent love.
James 1:26 ESV
26 If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.
In other words, if your theology doesn’t shape your tone, it’s not godliness—it’s vanity.
James 1:27 ESV
27 Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
That’s practical. That’s dusty. That’s inconvenient. And that’s exactly the kind of religion our Lord considers true.
Now, back to Colossians 3:12-13
Colossians 3:12–13 ESV
12 Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
The grammatical flow in the original Greek leaves no doubt that v13 is an explanation of how v12 is lived out. In other words, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience directly result in bearing with one another and forgiving one another eagerly. That means this isn’t just abject compassion but compassion to the one offending you. And you’re supposed to put on that compassion. Let’s look at these virtues one at a time.
But first, notice here how the presupposition to the ability for one to put on these virtues, is that they must first be chosen (the word meaning elect) – holy (set apart) and beloved (of Christ). This is what I spent a considerable time last week showing you how ‘faithfulness’ is a Christian virtue. In other words, if you’re not really a Christian, you can’t put on these virtues.
“Put on Compassionate hearts” — οἰκτιρµοί
This word means deep, gut-level mercy, or sympathy – a heart that feels and moves for others in their weakness and pain. The call here is not for a compassionate act, but for a compassionate heart. Many wicked people can feel sympathy, but this is not that. This is a posture you put on, not a feeling you wait for. This is a sympathy that is put on intentionally – a desire to consider the situation of another. It’s the Spirit-formed instinct to consider another’s suffering, to move toward weakness and not away from it.
- When your spouse is irritable and acts out against you, it is pride that wants to put them in their place, whereas it is compassion that seeks out the root cause of the frustration. As Pr. Ashok has pointed out from time to time, “There is no excuse for being a jerk.” Yet, husbands are exceptionally talented at exasperating their wives. We know how to nurture our wife’s dark side. And so if we casually and carelessly overburden our wives one way or another, and they run out of patience by the end of the week, and God-forbid they say something snarly to us, we bring out the big theological guns loaded with submission pellets, take aim and fire away. Headship is not head-butting your wife into submission. Compassion doesn’t excuse sin—but it does try to understand it in order to correct it better.
- But compassionate hearts don’t just see the sin—they search for the story behind it. Why does that person seem guarded in conversation? Maybe because every time they opened up in their past, someone used it against them. Why does that sister seem controlling in group settings? Maybe because she grew up in chaos, and control became her survival instinct. Why does that brother interrupt everyone and always seem to assert his opinion? Maybe because his entire life he was overlooked and unseen, and this is the only way he knows how to feel significant. That doesn’t excuse sin. But it explains why grace should be your first instinct, not irritation. Compassion listens before it labels. It asks questions instead of making assumptions. It remembers that God sees the full story—and you don’t. “A bruised reed He will not break, and a faintly burning wick He will not quench…” (Isaiah 42:3)
In the church, it means when someone sins or fails, you don’t gossip or withdraw—you lean in, you pray, you help them heal. Compassion is courageous, concerned, and caring.
“Put on Kindness” — οἰκτιρικί
The word for kindness is derived from the word that means ‘useful’ or ‘serviceable’. This is not the unhinged, perpetual state of kindness that many Christians put on that kindly excuses this sinful world in their sinful spiral into chaos. This is not the useless sort of kindness that thinks sin is excusable as long as it is worn by someone cute. This is goodness in action. Practical grace. A sweetness that isn’t soft, but strong enough to serve.
- Single women and young wives are mostly concerned these days about the doctrine of tea making and dish washing – namely who should do it. But Christian women ought to know that those asking that question are going to be radically disappointed with what the Gospel requires of them. Was Jesus willing to die for you with similar conditions? 50-50? “Alright, I’ll make him tea as long as he’s a good man.” Was Jesus willing to die for you because you were good women? No, the problem here is that the question is a bad one. Authority and submission in marriage are not reduced down to the activity of tea making, dish washing, and diaper changing. Again, these are externals that are fruit of true submission and authority, and not the substance of it. Rather, if a husband loves and cares for his wife as his own body, and the wife respects and rejoices in her husband as her head, then tea making will take care of itself. The reason the question is a problem is that presupposes a position contrary to Ephesians 5. Young women, you ought to want a man who washes you with God’s word and delights in you, and not a man who can put his dishwashing hours in his resume.
- Kindness is when your child takes forever to finish something you could’ve done in 30 seconds—and instead of snapping, you praise the effort. It’s answering a question you’ve already answered five times, but this time without the sigh. It’s gently helping your aging parent with something they once taught you, without rolling your eyes or checking your watch. If you can use the five points of Calvinism to dismantle your fellow church member in ten different ways, and yet not be able to say five kind words in a tense conversation, you are nothing like Calvin or the reformers.
Again, remember that v12 here is hashed out in v13. So, this is kindness that is visible in the midst of conflict, in bearing with one another, and forgiving one another. It is not kindness that lets people be, but it is kindness that carries them on their journey to Christ.
Colossians 4:6 NASB95
Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.
Ephesians 4:15 NASB95
but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ,
Galatians 6:1 NASB95
Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted.
Kindness is not a measure of whether you confront sin or not, or whether you speak or truth or not. Kindness is a measure of how you confront, or how you speak the truth. Often times, husbands, wives, church members, the issue is not in what you say, but in how you say it – and you are held accountable for every loose word.
“Put on Humility” — οἰκτιρίχηίσόρς
This is the lowliness of mind that makes much of Christ and little of self. It’s not thinking less of yourself—it’s thinking of yourself less.
- An example of true kindness and humility is when one apologizes for something they know is their fault. However, many husbands have found an antidote to fights in the home. Just apologize. Say you’re sorry. But it is not kindness to apologize for something you don’t believe you’ve done wrong. That isn’t humility. It is cowardice or laziness. Arguments and quarrels are a part and parcel of God’s plan for marriage, to shape us. The question is not if we fight, but if we’re fighting well. Are your fights getting better or worse. A healthy marriage is not on the road that avoids conflict, but on the road that learns to deal with it. Too many people have no clue what it means to argue well or bear with one another rightly – without false apologies or avoidance. And so when they populate most of the pews in the congregation, how will they learn to argue in the congregation? If they don’t disagree well in the home, how will they disagree well in the congregation? You bury the bitterness deep in your heart and avoid confronting one another in the home, and learn to adjust. Guess what your pattern of adjusting in the congregation will be.
- Or maybe, you’re the kind of person who is arguably the immovable rock of opinion and standard in your home. That home shall not be moved, not because Christ is in the midst, but because he/she is in the midst. And the home inevitably is built up, not on the foundation of Christ the rock, but onthe rock of this person’s stubbornness. Guess what kind of church member they will be?
- In parenting, it’s admitting to your children, “Daddy was wrong,” or “Mommy shouldn’t have spoken that way.”
- In the church, it’s serving without being seen. It’s being teachable, correctable, and happy to clean the toilet if it means someone else meets Jesus.
“Put on Gentleness” — οἰκτιρί
Gentleness is strength under control. It’s not weak—it’s Christlike. The Lion who stooped to lift the leper.
- In marriage, it means you don’t bulldoze your spouse in a debate just because you’re quicker with words.
- In family, it’s correcting a child without crushing them. It’s discipline that protects, not punishes.
- In the church, it’s guiding the wayward with tenderness, knowing that the same grace that restored you is now working in them.
“Put on Patience” — µοἰκτιρµίο
Long-suffering. Endurance without irritation. The ability to absorb slowness, weakness, and repeated offense without exploding.
- In marriage, patience is listening to the same complaint again and answering with steady love instead of snapping, “We’ve been over this.”
- In family, it’s reading the same boring story for the hundredth time, tying the same shoelace, picking up the same toy—and doing it without grumbling.
- In the church, it’s walking with someone who keeps stumbling. It’s refusing to give up on the immature or the inconsistent. It’s knowing that sanctification is slow—and loving people while they grow.
Conclusion
Church, you are God’s chosen ones. Holy and beloved. So Paul says: Put it on. Not once. Not when it’s easy. Not when people are kind. Put it on daily. Put it on deliberately. Put it on like you mean it.
Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience—these are not accessories to the Christian life. They are the uniform. The gear. The armor. You don’t get to choose which to wear based on your mood or who you’re dealing with. These are the garments of the new man in Christ—and they were tailor-made for you at the cross. So don’t hang them in your theological closet like concepts you once studied. Wear them. Live them. In your home. In your marriage. In your parenting. In this church.
The Christian life is not mystical. It is not sentimental. It is gloriously practical. It looks like boiling milk, forgiving quickly, answering gently, dying to self, and speaking with grace. It looks like staying through awkward fellowship, loving when it’s costly, and listening when you’d rather lecture. God didn’t save you to admire your doctrine in a mirror. He saved you to walk in newness of life. So go and do that. Put on what Christ gave you. And whatever you do—whether in word or deed—do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Amen.
