Introduction
This is the word of the Lord,
Proverbs 31:29 ESV
29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
Let us pray.
These are the words of a husband to his wife, and it captures the pinnacle of a woman’s glory. Her loftiest ambition, her greatest accomplishment is found in her husband’s reputation of. And the fact that this statement that I just said is scandalous to the world, and to many professing Christians in churches around the world, is evidence of how counter-cultural the Bible really is, and how much worldliness has penetrated the walls of the church. The women of this age, by and large, desire independence – to be recognised and glorified for their individual accomplishments. They want to shine and bedazzle as a standalone crown without the head it rests upon. The “you go girl” brand of Christianity—have tried to convince us that a woman’s glory is found in her autonomy, in her career, in her self-expression. In other words, in making a name for herself. But the Bible tells us something very different.
1 Corinthians 11:7 ESV
7 For a man ought not to cover his head, since he is the image and glory of God, but woman is the glory of man.
If glory were a crown, then man is the crown that God wears upon His head, and the woman is the crown of the crown. She is the glory of the glory. To be the glory of something does not mean you are less than it—it means you are its highest expression. The woman is not the foundation of the house, but the adorned and ornamented rooftop, completing and crowning the structure. Paul is not diminishing the beauty of a woman in this verse but exalting it. And in God’s divine order of creation, in his inscrutable will, we find a certain appropriateness to the woman’s honour being found in her husband’s praise of her. The praise of a godly husband is not a consolation prize for a woman who failed to be an entrepreneur, a social activist, or a CEO. It is the high mark of biblical femininity. A godly woman does not rise up to demand honour for herself; her family rises up to honour her. And therein lies the difference between wisdom and folly, between the house of the wise woman and the house of the foolish woman that is “torn down with her own hands” (Proverbs 14:1).
We’re well into our series on ‘The Intentional Church’ – on what it means for us as men and women, husbands and wives, fathers, daughters and sons, brothers and sisters, pastors and deacons – to live and love together. To be of one mind and spirit in the Lord Jesus Christ. Last week, Pastor Ashok addressed the men of the church, and this week I address the women of the church. And like him, I too am neither concerned about offending anybody here nor appeasing anyone here. The Bible is more than capable to pierce between the division of soul and spirit, of bone and marrow. But here’s my prayer. That God would stir in your heart affections for godly womanhood and a hatred for what the world has propagated as righteous femininity.
Two weeks ago, I preached on “God Made Them Male and Female,” where we examined the distinctiveness of masculinity and femininity as designed by God—not as social constructs, or arbitrary roles, but as fundamental realities woven into creation itself. And my sermon today is a continuation—it builds upon the foundation already laid. If we accept that God has made men and women distinct, then it naturally follows that a woman will find her fullest satisfaction, her highest glory, only in submission to that divine design. A train is most free when it runs on its tracks, not when it derails itself in the name of autonomy. A tree is most free when it digs its roots deeper into the soil, not when it wishes to fall over into the river for an afternoon swim. Women or men, young or old, need to recognise that biblical restrictions or constraints don’t limit their joy but are a means to the fullness of their joy. So, in order to capture a good view of biblical femininity, I want us to turn to lady Wisdom in the book of Proverbs. Wisdom, as we will see, is a woman. Wisdom calls out. Wisdom has a house. Wisdom builds. Now, before we dive in, keep in mind that sermons are not exhaustive. A single sermon cannot carry the full weight of biblical femininity any more than one sunset can exhaust the beauty of the heavens. I won’t be able to say everything I want to say, but my goal is to say enough. Enough to shake loose any worldly thinking, enough to plant deep roots in God’s Word, and enough to point you in the right direction. So let’s begin.
A look at Wisdom
Proverbs is not a book of rigid formulas. It is not a book of abstract truths. It is a book of wisdom wisdom literature demands that we read it with wisdom. If you try to handle Proverbs like you would handle the Ten Commandments—straight, unbending, applicable in all times and places—you are going to trip and fumble all over the place. Why? Because wisdom is contextual. Wisdom are general truths and the context matters. One helpful way to think about it is that Proverbs teaches you how to think, not just what to think. A lot of people don’t want wisdom. What they want is a simple, absolute answer. A neatly packaged formula that allows them to skip over the messy, time-consuming work of discernment. They want rote, mechanical certainty for problems that require situational wisdom. This is why legalism is so attractive. Legalism eliminates the need for wisdom. If I can get a rigid, concrete rule for every situation, then I never have to pray, never have to seek counsel, never have to weigh variables. I just follow the chart. A + B = C.
But wisdom doesn’t work that way. They want a formula and not wisdom. Imagine a husband who wants to love his wife well. He is sincere, he wants to do the right thing, but he is confused. He comes to his pastor and asks, “How do I love my wife? Just tell me what to do.”What is he looking for? Wisdom, or a checklist of to-do’s. This is why a lot of pre-marital counsellors are useless. Because they offer a checklist and have no wisdom to pass on. Here’s on way the book of Proverbs helps. Let’s answer this husband with some Proverbs-style wisdom.
Proverbs 25:20 ESV
20 Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.
Proverbs 27:14 ESV
14 Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.
So, imagine this same husband, if he likes early mornings, and she doesn’t, full of enthusiasm, wakes his wife up at 4 a.m. with a cheerful, booming, “Good morning, sweetheart! This is the day the Lord has made! Let us rejoice and be glad in it!” What happens? He loves her and now she prefers if he loved her less. Why? Because his timing is terrible. His good intention does not match the context. His wife is not ready to receive it. He is, proverbially speaking, singing songs to a heavy heart or blessing his wife too loudly in the morning. But what if she, like Proverbs 31:15
Proverbs 31:15 ESV
15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.
Then, the cheerful blessings in the early morning work differently, doesn’t it? Or, take these two proverbs, sitting side by side in your Bible:
Proverbs 26:4 ESV
4 Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself.
Proverbs 26:5 ESV
5 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.
Well, which is it? Do I answer the fool or not? If I answer him, I’ll be a fool like him. But if I don’t answer him, he will never understand his folly. And the answer is—it depends. Sometimes, the wise thing to do is walk away from a fool. Other times, a fool needs to be corrected. There are times when a firm rebuke is necessary. Wisdom is knowing which of these situations you’re in. And that is why Proverbs presents both. Wisdom isn’t about memorizing one-liners—it’s about knowing how and when to apply them. And as I’m saying this, I hope instances are coming to your mind where you have rigidly applied the Bible one way or another.One could read Ephesians 4:29
Ephesians 4:29 ESV
29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
and resolve to be perpetually ‘gentle and lowly’. And so, they decide that they will never say anything that might upset someone. But what have they forgotten?
Proverbs 27:6 ESV
6 Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.
Proverbs 28:23 ESV
23 Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue.
Matthew 18:15 ESV
15 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
Sometimes, grace means speaking the hard truth. A wise Christian knows that kindness does not mean avoiding conflict. There is a time for gentle encouragement, but there is also a time to rebuke and correct. This pattern runs through the whole book. If you treat Proverbs like a rigid instruction manual, you’re going to have a rough time.
One more:
Proverbs 6:9–10 ESV
9 How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep?
10 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest,
Proverbs 3:24 ESV
24 If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.
So, is sleep a sign of laziness, or is it a gift from God? Again—it depends.
A lazy man sleeps when he should be working, and a wise man rests when he should be sleeping. Proverbs isn’t contradicting itself; it’s teaching you to apply wisdom with discernment.
Proverbs does not just tell us about wisdom and folly—it personifies them. It makes them stand up, take on form, and call out in the streets. Wisdom is not a vague ideal, and folly is not just bad decision-making. In the book of Proverbs, they are both women, and they are both speaking, and they are both inviting men to their feasts. The difference is that one banquet leads to life, and the other banquet leads to the grave.
Lady Wisdom’s Invitation: Proverbs 9:1–6
Proverbs 9:1–6 ESV
1 Wisdom has built her house; she has hewn her seven pillars.
2 She has slaughtered her beasts; she has mixed her wine; she has also set her table.
3 She has sent out her young women to call from the highest places in the town,
4 “Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!” To him who lacks sense she says,
5 “Come, eat of my bread and drink of the wine I have mixed.
6 Leave your simple ways, and live, and walk in the way of insight.”
Lady Wisdom has built her house. She has carved out her pillars, laid the foundation, and prepared a banquet. The table is set, the wine is poured, and the feast is ready. And then she sends out the invitations. She calls out from the highest places in the city, making sure that no one can say they didn’t hear her. This is a dinner invitation, and wisdom, as always, is profoundly practical. You don’t just study it—you eat it, drink it, and live by it. Wisdom sustains you, nourishes you, and strengthens you. It is not just about knowing the right thing; it is about walking in the way of insight.
Madam Folly’s Invitation: Proverbs 9:13–18
Proverbs 9:13–18 ESV
13 The woman Folly is loud; she is seductive and knows nothing.
14 She sits at the door of her house; she takes a seat on the highest places of the town,
15 calling to those who pass by, who are going straight on their way,
16 “Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!” And to him who lacks sense she says,
17 “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.”
18 But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol.
Notice something—her invitation sounds eerily familiar. She uses the same opening words as Lady Wisdom: “Whoever is simple, let him turn in here.” She offers something as well—bread and water. But there is a difference. Wisdom offers a feast, prepared and full of life. Folly offers stolen water and secret bread. The essence of folly is the promise of shortcuts—pleasure without consequence, reward without labor, gain without sacrifice. And yet, every time, the house of folly delivers exactly what it has always delivered—death. The guests at her table are corpses. The man who listens to her voice thinks he is getting a meal, but he is actually buying a one-way ticket to the graveyard.
Two Tables, Two Destinies
So here they are—two women, two voices, two invitations. Both of them are calling. Both of them are offering something. But the outcomes could not be more different. One leads to life; the other leads to death. And here’s the thing—everyone accepts one of these invitations. There is no third option. Every man, every woman, every child is sitting at one of these tables. The only question is—which one? We see this theme throughout the book of Proverbs. If Proverbs 1-30 are instructions to the man, and Proverbs 31 is the picture of a godly woman, it does not then mean that women are benefited only from the last chapter. Rather, throughout the book, Lady Wisdom and Madam Folly are spread out. Which of these personifications will you women in this church most resemble? Let she who has wisdom, hear and believe.
Exegesis: Godly Womanhood
1 Corinthians 11:8–9 ESV
8 For man was not made from woman, but woman from man.
9 Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.
• Godly womanhood first understands her origins. She knows why she was created. These were things we looked into last time.
• Woman is created for the man and not man for the woman.
• His mission is the field and her mission is him. He serves God by tending to God’s garden, and she serves God by tending to her husband. He was formed from the dust of the ground, and she was formed from the rib of the man.
Now, we turn to Proverbs 31—again, not as a burdensome checklist, but as a portrait. A picture of biblical womanhood in full bloom. This passage is the crescendo of the wisdom literature, the final and climactic answer to the call of Lady Wisdom. Here, wisdom is no longer abstract—it is lived, embodied, and gloriously fruitful. Here we see an actual woman.
Proverbs 31:1 ESV
1 The words of King Lemuel. An oracle that his mother taught him:
• We do not know who this King is. He is possibly of another nation and not Israel. Proverbs 31 are his words that were originally his mother’s teaching.
• And here we have our first portrait of godly womanhood – mothers teach sons. [Expand]
• A woman’s counsel on women
Proverbs 31:2–9 ESV
2 What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows?
3 Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings.
4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to take strong drink,
5 lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted.
6 Give strong drink to the one who is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress;
7 let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more.
8 Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute.
9 Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.
• What are you doing? – Women and Drink
• Women destroy kings – she doesn’t start with either ‘women are fragile creatures’ or ‘women are independent and strong’. She starts with ‘women are destroyers’.
• In giving himself to these women, Lemuel risks giving up his strength. [A woman subdues a man’s strength]
• He must neither be ruled by women nor ruled by alcohol. Rather he must rule and defend the helpless.
• He must be wise and it is wisdom to find a godly wife.
Proverbs 31:10–12 ESV
10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
12 She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:23 ESV
23 Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
• Jewels are not found scattered on the market floor. They must be sought after – found. So blessed is a man who finds an excellent wife.
Proverbs 18:22 ESV
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
• She is trustworthy
• She does him good
• She does him no harm
• All the days of her life
Proverbs 31:13–15 ESV
13 She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.
14 She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.
15 She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.
Proverbs 31:27 ESV
27 She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
• She does the groceries? She manages the kitchen? What is in view here is ministry and calling.
Proverbs 31:16–17 ESV
16 She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
17 She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.
Notice that the Proverbs 31 woman is strong. Biblical femininity is not fragility; it is fortitude. She is not the helpless, passive caricature that modern feminists like to rail against. No, she is industrious, productive, self-disciplined, and physically capable. The phrase “She girds her loins with strength” (v. 17) literally refers to tying up the hem of a long garment so that one can move freely and work hard. This woman isn’t afraid of hard labor. She builds, she plants, she provides, she works willingly with her hands.
1 Peter 3:3–6 ESV
3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—
4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,
6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
1 Timothy 2:9–10 ESV
9 likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire,
10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.
• Obedience suits a godly wife.
• Biblical femininity is marked by a gentle and quiet spirit—which does not mean weak and timid, but unshakable, fearless, and dignified.
• A godly woman does not tremble at the future because she trusts in God’s sovereignty.
Titus 2:3–5 ESV
3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good,
4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,
5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
Proverbs 31:18–19 ESV
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.
19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.
Proverbs 31:22 ESV
22 She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Proverbs 31:24 ESV
24 She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.
• She feeds and now she knits. Her function is one of nurture and not conquest.
• She perceives. She is educated and intelligent.
• She is skilled and skilling up. Whatever specific role her ministry takes, it turns to nurture and growth.
• She works hard at it all. Not begrudgingly as some burdensome duty, but as the joy of her service.
Proverbs 31:20 ESV
20 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.
• She is generous and not selfish over her family
Proverbs 31:21 ESV
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.
Proverbs 31:25 ESV
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.
• She trusts in God’s sovereignty and not the work of her hands. She sees God’s blessing and remembers them.
Proverbs 31:26 ESV
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
• She is wise and teaches kindness.
Proverbs 31:28–29 ESV
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
Proverbs 31:31 ESV
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.
• She is recognised for her glory by her family
Proverbs 31:30 ESV
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
• Her foundation is the fear of the Lord.
Conclusion
The question before us is this: Which woman will you be? The Choice Before You
• Will you be Lady Wisdom or Madam Folly?
• Will you build your home (Proverbs 14:1) or tear it down with your own hands?
• Will you serve your family with joy, or will you resent the high calling of womanhood?
• Will you pursue charm and fading beauty, or will you fear the Lord, which is to be praised (Proverbs 31:30)?
No woman drifts into biblical femininity. It must be pursued intentionally. This means rejecting the sirens of feminism, worldliness, and self-absorption. It means submitting to God’s design—not with reluctance, but with joy. Women, if you follow the path of wisdom, your children will rise up and call you blessed. Your husband will praise you. Your household will be clothed in strength and dignity. And most importantly, your life will bring glory to God. But if you follow the path of folly, you will find yourself empty, aimless, and bitter—having spent your years chasing a mirage that disappears the moment you try to grasp it. At the heart of this entire chapter is the fear of the Lord (Proverbs 31:30). This is the foundation of true womanhood. A woman who fears the Lord will submit to His design, serve her family with joy, and build a legacy that will stand for generations. But a woman who fears the world will serve herself, resent her calling, and leave nothing but ashes in her wake. So, let me end with this charge:
Women of this church, will you embrace the wisdom of Proverbs 31? Will you reject the lies of the world and take up the mantle of godly womanhood? Will you pursue strength, dignity, wisdom, and the fear of the Lord? Will your children rise up and call you blessed? Will your husband praise you? Will your life testify to the goodness of God’s design? May it be so. May this church be filled with women who build their homes, bless their husbands, raise up their children, extend their hands to the needy, and laugh at the days to come. And when the world looks on in confusion, wondering why you are so full of joy in a life they have rejected, you can tell them this: “I have chosen wisdom, not folly. I have chosen life, not death. I have chosen to be the glory of the glory.
Let us pray.
